MUMBAI

As fast-paced as a Brett Lee delivery,
and as unpredictable as the Pakistani cricket team,
You might not be able to afford a place to live,
but you will get enough space for a galaxy of dreams.

Raju and his 'bhau' might have a fight over,
who does a 'Bhaiyya' get beaten up by,
The uncle/dad has a better solution,
Lets expand operations to include Paki and Aussie guys.

Considering how the traffic is here,
and that necessity is the mother of invention,
Mumbai will be the first city to have flying cars,
and some Mumbaiikar might just invent teleportation.

Don't blame the BMC for all the waterlogging you have,
For performance improvement,it's Sports Ministry's covert trick,
All the wading,skipping,hopping and jumping around,
Atleast improves chances in swimming,long jump and gymnastics!

The local trains and buses get us 'closer' to each other,
There are means to promote National integration,
And travelling in them makes you so fit and agile,
You could easily take on Baba Ramdev in a Yoga competition.

Take the life of an average guy here,
It has more thrill and twists than a Dan Brown mystery,
And if patience could be converted to money,
Each of us would have made more than Reliance has,in its history.

There might be moments when you feel lost,
As a Brahmin(Non-Kashmiri :D) would be in a KFC,
Hang in and you might just kick some serious ass,
Like Rajnikanth does,in every other movie.

You might not be 'Born Tough' like Ceat,
But this is a place that makes you gritty,
The water supply is surely spiked with some 'Love Potion',
Coz despite everything,you fall in love with this city!


To this City!!

A Tiger's Tale

Now even the boring Accenture techies laugh at me,
So I come here to present my side,
Coz' unlike the diplomats at the Climate Summit,
There's not much left by media for me to hide!

I had thought America had become liberal,
When they handed the nation's affairs in Obama's care,
And now they point fingers at me,
When I have handled just 13 white women's affairs.

Only if I had done this in India,
a few weeks and people would have forgotten it all,
And how can you expect a golfer to be perfect,
he is bound to lose control of a 'couple' of balls.

Indian and Chinese governments are impressed by me,
they want me to lead the population control campaign,
Coz I had 13 affairs but no illegitimate kids,
My God!That's awesomely insane!

My sport didn't involve any physical activity,
so I just found an alternative way to stay fit,
And what else do you expect person to do anyway,
when all he hears is 'High performance.Delivered' & 'Just do it'?

But now even when my wife asks me to'Go on.Be a Tiger',
I just run away and I hide under the stairs,
Coz' I have inspired more jokes in 8 days,
Than Mr.Bush did in all 8 of his Presidential years!


I fully sympathize with Woods' family and was trying hard not to write this one but frankly just like Tiger Woods I simply lost self-control!

Lovefool :D

I thought 'Love at first sight' was idle imagination,
just like 'Kaala bandar' from Delhi-6,
Now I feel like BJP questioning its own ideology,
I have never been in a bigger fix.

You were 'An Inconvenient Truth' for me,
Bigger than the one told by Mr. Al Gore,
Like Wasim Akram's yorker to a Bangladeshi batsman,
You bowled me out for sure.

My heart began beating so fast,
It could have been the engine of an F1 car,
I wouldn't have been intoxicated half as much,
even on gulping down the whole of Mallya's bar.

I could have become a translator by profession,
what everyone spoke sounded Greek & Latin to me,
Gonna write CAT through handicapped-partially blind quota,
Coz' you were the only thing that I could see.

Not even an AIIMS doctor could save me,
being bitten by love bug is a terminal case,
I was as paralyzed as a politician is,
when a terror attack takes place.

You are my desi Kylie Minogue,
Chiggy wiggy is all I want to do,
Forgive me all this bullshit,
Just want to say I've fallen for you :D

Couldn't let November end without a blog entry :)
Title courtesy-Aakriti

Break-Up!!

I really tried to feel sad and sorry,
But in that state even an hour I couldn't pass,
It was like expecting an Indian to feel pathetic,
when our cricket team whips Pakistan's ass.

In treating you like a woman,
I spent more than my apartment's rent,
I'd rather listen to Himesh all day,
than sit with you even for a moment.

Even Siddhu will get embarrassed & shut up,
You can talk nonsense for that long,
You are a cumulative punishment God had given me,
For my past seven lives' wrongs.

You are so dumb that even George Bush,
could get a Nobel Prize for being smart,
You were so cold and mean at times,
that Osama seems to have Mother Teresa's heart.

I would have called you a vaccum cleaner,
If you sucked even a bit more,
Time spent with my Granny is more exciting,
You are that big a bore.

Oh yeah,maybe I loved you once,
but now those feelings I totally lack,
I would rather date Rakhi Sawant,
than ever have you back!

Not my best and not meant to be offensive,but this is how we all feel when things don't work out and then after some time we think of all we thought at that time and find it funny.Just got inspired by Guns N Roses 'Used to love her' and listening to Blink-182 a bit more than necessary :D

Been A Long Time..

"It has been a really long time".

Well,to be precise 9 years 3 months and 17 days.A lot has happened in these years,marriage,divorce,moving abroad,coming back,successes and failures.A lot of things have changed.

But he still finds approaching her to be the most difficult thing and talking to her the easiest.He still feels like making her laugh,only so that he can see her smile.So maybe a lot hasn't changed.

As he is trying to make sense of his thoughts,she smiles and summarizes them,"We may be the same but the time surely isn't".

He laughs and says,"I hate it".

"What?"

"How you always conclude my thoughts before I reach there".She just smiles.

Suddenly he realizes that they aren't alone,and he understands she was waiting for this,she laughs and says,"Meet my husband.".

He is suprised at how oblivious she made him to the world.

"Oh!Congrats man,you are a lucky guy."

Her husband smiles,"I'll give you guys some time to catch up".

"Thanks."

Being alone with each other doesn't feel the same anymore,though it's still much easier than being with someone else.

"So when did you get married?"

"It all happened so suddenly..".

"I asked you when and not how.".He smiles,she still hasn't lost her habit of giving justifications.

She gets why he is smiling and starts giggling and tell him,"It's been 4 years."

"Great."

"So how've you been?"

"As awesome as I've always been.".He has never been a convincing liar,but she lets it be.

"You shouldn't have walked away that day."

"You could have stopped me."

They both know that the other is right and they find though there is a lot to say,they can't do it without hurting someone.

They stay silent for a while,thinking about everything and nothing and then he tells her,"You know for everything we've been,I want to ask only one thing of you."

She gets anxious and asks,"What?"

"Today I want to be the one walking away.".He starts laughing.She playfully hits him and says,"Have it your way."

He still laughing,gets up gives her a hug,"Take care".And walks away.

He thinks,for once she didn't realize that he wasn't kidding.He just couldn't have seen her walking away from him again.

Not realizing that she did and is wondering,"Why do you always find it so difficult to just ask for what you want?"



Co-author,one for the team :)

For anyone else who reads my crappy posts and is interested enough,read the previous post,'As He Sees It',to get the full thing.

Change

I don't like to put up stuff from others on my blog,but this song by Tracy Chapman is so damn brilliant,it has to be an exception!!Hearing these lyrics made me realise,sometimes it's just the fear of change that prevents us from accepting it.Have a read.

If you knew that you would die today,
Saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart
When you're down so low you cannot fall
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses? How much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around,Makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget,
Makes you change?
Makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you so sure you won't be crawling?
If not for the good,
why risk falling?
Why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you'd broken every rule and vow,
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and love,
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you saw the face of God and love
If you saw the face of God and love
Would you change?
Would you change?

As he sees it..

They were sitting alone.

For some unknown reason it's awkward.She can't take the silence any longer,in her most vivacious voice,she tells him,"You know you are a really nice guy"

He knows it's just her attempt to get the converstion started,but today for some godforsaken reason,he knows he should be honest,"I am not a nice guy,I just know how to control my emotions better."

She looks at him and starts laughing,she has a habit of doing it when he doesn't intend her to do so,but something in his eyes makes her stop midway.She doesn't see that look of unbridled admiration and affection that he always had for her;it was as if for the first time that his eyes were expressing not what he felt for her but what he actually felt.

He turns away from her,and in a barely audible monotone tells her,"I cry at my losses,revel in my victories,I feel possessive,I feel jealous;but I just make sure that they gnaw at my insides rather than hurt someone outside."

"Is this fair to me or you?"

She has no answers,he continues,"I know that I am certainly no better than anyone because I feel what anyone else would feel but does it make me any worse?"

She moves her hand towards him but he backs off.

"I wish I could hurt you sometimes just to see that you actually care."

He knows he shouldn't have said that but he realizes that they have gone past the point where any apology could undo things.He gets up slowly.The thing that used to bind their absolutely disparate personalities together has become too frayed to hold them together any longer.

He knows it's time to leave.

She says,"why couldn't you say all this earlier?"

"Because I never wanted to hurt you"

"And aren't you hurting me now?"

This time he has no answers.But he also doesn't have the words to set everything right.

"I should have never listened to you",she wipes a tear and walks away.

And he realizes that this is the last time that he is seeing her walking away.