Monday, September 7, 2009

As he sees it..

They were sitting alone.

For some unknown reason it's awkward.She can't take the silence any longer,in her most vivacious voice,she tells him,"You know you are a really nice guy"

He knows it's just her attempt to get the converstion started,but today for some godforsaken reason,he knows he should be honest,"I am not a nice guy,I just know how to control my emotions better."

She looks at him and starts laughing,she has a habit of doing it when he doesn't intend her to do so,but something in his eyes makes her stop midway.She doesn't see that look of unbridled admiration and affection that he always had for her;it was as if for the first time that his eyes were expressing not what he felt for her but what he actually felt.

He turns away from her,and in a barely audible monotone tells her,"I cry at my losses,revel in my victories,I feel possessive,I feel jealous;but I just make sure that they gnaw at my insides rather than hurt someone outside."

"Is this fair to me or you?"

She has no answers,he continues,"I know that I am certainly no better than anyone because I feel what anyone else would feel but does it make me any worse?"

She moves her hand towards him but he backs off.

"I wish I could hurt you sometimes just to see that you actually care."

He knows he shouldn't have said that but he realizes that they have gone past the point where any apology could undo things.He gets up slowly.The thing that used to bind their absolutely disparate personalities together has become too frayed to hold them together any longer.

He knows it's time to leave.

She says,"why couldn't you say all this earlier?"

"Because I never wanted to hurt you"

"And aren't you hurting me now?"

This time he has no answers.But he also doesn't have the words to set everything right.

"I should have never listened to you",she wipes a tear and walks away.

And he realizes that this is the last time that he is seeing her walking away.

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