Gayalalitha tops Maxim-um's Hot 100

Photos simply for representative purposes

Beauty Magazine Maxim-um is out with its Annual Hot 100 list and the results are more than simply surprising.It has voted South Indian Siren,Gayalalitha as Sexiest Indian Woman Alive.Shocked?There's more of it,following Gayalalitha,North Indian politician,Kayawati is at the 2nd position while Samta Banerjee rounds up the Top 3.

"For long beauty has been simply associated with fair-skinned women with svelte figures.We are out there to change that perception".So says Illaiya Nunnuswami,Editor of the South Asian Edition of Maxim-um.

Ms.Gayalalitha,winner of the 1999 Fat-Hags Mega Model Hunt(the organizers wanted us to specify that Mega in the Title didn't denote the size of the contestants),was elated."This is a slap in the face of that old bozo Varunanidhi,I openly challenge him to make it to this list of Hot 100 Women".

Last heard,Varunanidhi,Gayalalitha's evergreen political opponent,was discussing the possible complications that could arise from him undergoing a sex-change operation at 85 years of age.

Kundirajan,an emotional supporter of Gayalalitha couldn't contain himself."She has been having a tough time;with Namitha Kapoor working in Tamil movies,even Amma's original title of 'Thunder Thighs' was stolen from her.This title is perhaps the only voting where she has won in the past 10 years",he says while wiping a tear with his lungi.

Gayalalitha has replaced Kim Kardashian and Guddi Maruti as the new Ambassador for Anti-anorexia campaigns by the World Health Organization,who will have 'Thin Isn't In" as their theme for the year 2011.

Across the length of the nation,in Uttar Pradesh,Kayawati emphasized that this was expected,"To be honest,I should have been numero uno.Meri is vifalta ke peeche kuch Manuwadi Shaktiyon ka haath hai".

Sculptors in UP were extremely happy,"After the SC decision on stopping expenditure on Behenji's statues,things were a bit slow,but now we are getting a lot of orders,specially of Behenji standing in the Marilyn Monroe pose over a blower and some in swimsuits too",said Chuttan Lal,who has worked on 1000 Behenji sculptures earlier.

Naini Pandey,a student at Lucknow University,emphatically told us,"Behenjis can be hot!Move over Bipashas and Katrinas!"

In West Bengal though,the celebrations were muted,supporters were extremely unhappy over Samta Di falling behind,Chunni Sankipadhayaya,visibly agitated,told us,"It is all the conspiracy of those Bata people,just because Samta Di prefers Lakhani chappals to their brand and that we didn't allow their factory in Singur".On reminding him,that it was Tata and not Bata,the gentleman was shocked,"What?!I protested thinking it was Bata because their useless chappals don't last one damned monsoon and aren't even good enough to throw at people.My MBA degree(Management of Bandh and Andolans) was a waste!"

But despite her disappointment at ending up at the 3rd position,there is a silver lining for Samta Banerjee.She has been approached for 'Ugly and Pagli 2',where she'll be playing both Ugly as well as Pagli.

Women all over the country are now obsessed with attaining a Size One-Zero-Zero.Kareena Kapoor,leading Bollwood actress was gushing with relief,"Blessed be these women!Now finally I can start eating like a human again and stop yapping that it was simply Yoga behind my size zero."

Gym Owners too are happy,"Unlike all body structures,a Size One-Zero-Zero is easy to attain as well as maintain,so you don't have to go through the grind like you have to for say,a 6-pack".

Vijay Mallya,proud owner of UB group as well as of a beer-belly,has been quick to jump on the bandwagon and has approached Gayalalitha,Kayawati and Samta Banerjee to feature on this year's King-SizedFisher Calender.

Illaiya Nunnuswami played down the hype with these words of wisdom,"Remember that trends are fickle.At one time,bell-bottoms were cool,people believed Dino Morea could act,even Rakhi Sawant was a rage,now she simply stays enraged.Yes,size does matter,be it zero or one-zero-zero,but what matters more is what you feel about yourself!".Alas,only if we had such brains behind all fashion magazines!