Protests at Indian High Commission, Director Shankar attacked in London after Robot Premier!

While the movie Robot opened in Indian theatres to rave reviews and packed audience, things aren’t as rosy in the United Kingdom.

At the premier of Robot, Director Shankar was lucky to escape unhurt after certain unidentified men threw Rajnikanth-hairstyle wigs filled with nariyal chatni at him. The attackers escaped yelling the slogan,"Down with Chitty! Down with Shankar!".Chitty being the name of the Robot in the movie.

Though some claim this might have been orchestrated by vested interests in Hollywood who are scared of Rajnikanth capturing the market of Sci-Fi movies like Terminator and Transformers Series,Grande Floppe, the Director of the next movie in the Terminator franchisee had this to say, "We are in talks with Rajni Sir to play the lead and are planning to shoot in Chennai".Inside sources suggest, the movie will be titled ‘Auto-Terminator’ where Rajnikanth would play a Robot which kills errant auto-drivers.

There are also reports that this might have been the handiwork of BALD(Baldies Association of London District) activists who have been protesting Rajnikanth wearing a wig in his movies.Vin Diesel,star of movies like XXX, Fast and The Furious and a BALD promoter, remarked, "I got my first break because of support from BALD and I look forward to the day when an Indian movie features bald men as heroes and not just villains, so we won’t be doing something of the sort which furthers this cliché of us baldies being baddies"

The mystery behind this attack solved itself this morning, when activists from a group named RETARD(Radical Eelam Tigers Association for Rajnikanth Devotees), held a protest march which ended with demonstrations at Indian High Commission. Illaiya Nunnuswami, secretary, RETARD, took the responsibility for these attacks,here is what he had to say:

Jhakki Journalist:"Sir,u seem to be a Rajnikanth fan,why are you against the movie?"

Illaiya Nunnusawami:"Did you even see the movie?!How could the Director make that Robot do better stunts than our Human Rajni Anna!We protest this gross injustice!"

Jhakki Journalist:"But even the Robot was played by Rajnikanth?"

Illaiya Nunnuswami:"Today that Son-of-a-Kundi Director had Rajni Anna play the Robot, tomorrow he’ll have Harman Baweja play it, what then?!"

Jhakki Journalist:"Don’t you think Harman Baweja might just be able to play a robot better?"

On suggesting that Harman Baweja could act even enough to play a robot, a group of RETARD activists turned violent and the security forces had to be called.

Ridy Culous, the chief of London Police was flummoxed, "I really can’t fathom why people get so emotive over this guy.Yesterday my Tamil neighbour was telling his son, ”If the sun ever needed more hydrogen to burn, it would request Rajnikanth to fart!”.Frankly,if you make our Princess of Wales,Camilla Parker Bowles dress up as a guy, even she would look more dashing than Rajnikanth"

This statement led to fatwa being issued by Maulana Bevajah on Mr Culous’ head.Maulana Bevajah in a candid confession told us,"Yes I agree I am Rajnikanth fan but where are the issues to issue a Fatwa now! Sania Mirza is so-not-hot anymore, Ayodhya dispute got a good judgement, Salman Rushdie is staying non-controversial, what else could I have done?!"

Meanwhile a reliable source in the movie’s unit clarified,"The Robot was Rajni Sir’s idea, he wanted to go Pan-India and he was fed up of North Indian audience lampooning him for his physics defying stunts, so in this movie he asked Shankar Sir to get a robot which could do all the moves to make things more believable. We had no idea it would offend people"

Bobby Deol, who was in London, doesn’t understand what the fuss is all about,he said,"This isn’t even an original movie!You have a Robot falling in love with Aishwarya Rai,which is exactly what her first movie with me,’Aur Pyaar Ho Gaya’,was all about,and it was 14 years back!Even Sunny Bhaiya was proud of my expressionless performance in that movie!"

There was no reply to this allegation from the filmmaker’s side.


While this controversy was raging on, Rajnikanth met up with Shiv Sena chief Bal Thackerey at the latter’s Mumbai residence.Reports suggest that Rajni requested the Shiv Sena supremo to send some Sainiks to London to take care of these issues, Sena Style.

Clearly, this Chitty is causing a lot of Bang Bang.