Took the train from Patna Junction,
Next day I landed at Kalyan,
I had to reach somehow to Dharavi,
where already I have half my 'gaanv'.
Everyone kept yelling 'Pudhe Chalaan Bhaiya',
Though I had never tied rakhi on their hands,
I though it meant 'Ram-Ram',yelled it back at them,
And in return got a thrashing,grand.
Somehow finally made it to Dharavi,
On the spot,I was given a new ration card,
Then they started a fight over whether I'll be,
a Taxiwalla,Dudhwalla or Security Gaurd.
One day while waiting for fare in Dadar,
I played Ravi Kisen's latest Bhojpuri soundtrack,
Suddenly I was surrounded by 'background dancers',
who beat me up into lot more colours than blue & black.
I am an alien,I am a beaten alien,
I am a Bhaiya in Maharshtra!
I learned basic Marathi faster than a Sehwag century,
Told 'Dhagala Lagli' was my favourite song,
And I thought my 'beat'-fication was over,
But how I was to be proved wrong.
Just like Pakistan blames India for everything,
Be it floods,match-fixing or a crashed plane,
So was I blamed for every wrong here,
They loved me as much as Bush loved Saddam Hussein.
And one morning I read in 'Amar Ujala',
that BBC(Beat-Up Bhaiya Campaign) was launched with fanfare,
It was worthy of being a Marketing Case Study in any B-school,
It was that successful here.
On the train back,I told my story to one Kamal R Khan,
Moved,he made a movie on it,with himself as the star,
And since people got to know the culprit behind this disaster,
I am beaten up daily even in Bihar.
Gaanv-Village
Pudhe Chalaan-Move ahead
Disclaimer-My name is Tickoo and I am not a Bhaiya!
This is an Indian take on Sting's 'Englishman in New York'...I just hope nobody finds it offensive coz it's all in good humour and if he/she still does,I promise to vote for MNS in the next elections to make up for it!Jai Hind,Jai Maharashta!
Hark ye the story of Amelie Kumari,
ReplyDeleteStuck as she was in IT-the poor Bechari,
"What is there is IT?", she complained,
For,it had no money or dudes and yet, relocations unexplained,
She was especially concerned about the lack of dudes,
Folks around her seemed like total Crudes,
She searched high and searched low,
Hell- she even checked out the 7:26 CST Slow,
"Where have all the good guys gone?", she wailed,
Even as she, to her Creepy TL, got her Status Reports mailed,
Even as no light from the heavens above shone,
She and her friends cribbed for hours on the phone,
Months passed when she found herself in Tower 2,
She saw this guy, he had goatee that looked stuck on with glue,
Who he was, she had absolutely no clue,
Until one of her Ultra-Scoopy friends barked, "Don't you know that was THE Ashish Tickoo!"
So what so great about him, she asked,
Was he a Goerge Clooney or a Antonio banderas -or was it that with 10 girlfriends he multi-tasked?
Not really, they said, but he's a Dude nonetheless,
One girl told her that she would try her luck, Another said "He made IT look like it was not all about potlucks"
He sits in the library all day, they added
Carrying Unibic biscuits and math books, a subject our heroine thoroughly hated,
He's damn sarci, they said,
He's marofied everybody from Gulab Chand to the company which had his parties funded,
One of them even said, "I think he looks like Donald Duck"
To which the others angrily said, "What the F---!"
Curious as a CAT, Amelie Kumari visited his blog one day,
It mildly took her breath away,
"OK, here's a guy", she thought,"not at all Bad",
"He knows his politics and stays away from fads"
He truly,really,actually has some Class",
(Her friends added, "in violets he looks jhakaas!)
So she took to commenting on his blogs day in and day out,
Even if the weather was bad or she was irritated by Project Loudmouths ,
She took care to ensure her identity was wraps,
Until the day she wrote a poem- the stupid girl always fell into self-laid traps!
Our man Ashish was thankfully a sport,
He didn't scream at her or threaten to take her to Court,
"I really don't have a problem with you",
He said, "except the part where you said my beard looked stuck on with a glue"
What happens in the end, you may ask,
Actually, to complete this poem is Mr. Tickoo's task,
Would the ending be a sweet 'you've got mail"?
Or a la Julia Roberts in 'My best Friend's Wedding'- a failure royale?
Whatever the case, Amelie Kumari is going to hit the pub (Reliance fresh, if I may add) for a bottle of Ale,
Koi farak nahin girta boss- CAT mein nahin hota koi pass ya fail!
Come on, Ashish Kumar, get your creative juices flowing,
The Sherlock HOlmes in you is a-waiting,
Bas ho gayi padhai-vadhai,
Kitni padhai karoge, its 3 AM bhai!
And BTW,its pudhe chala and not pudhe chalaan,
MNS is gonna get your goat-ee Dude and trust me- you are no Salman!
Waise the new template is not all that bad,
Only it reminds me of the new USHA fans ad- which was pretty sad,
That's all for now, my dear BG *,
Hoping to see you next at this very place- Tickoo-ji ni Vadi!!!
* BG== Bada Goatee (bada as in tall, as in zindagi lambi nahin badi honi chahiye wala bada- clarify karna padta hai boss,ladke log bahut non-veg think karte hain)
P.S: i think i need a psychiatrist
Damn you are as gud(or bad) a writer as I am,
ReplyDeleteI feel so damn cool,I feel so glam,
But Madame,in a catch-22 situation I am caught,
Though I am flattered,u've put me in a tight spot,
this epic poem makes me sure this isn't a con,
and trust me when I say the goatee is gone,
I haven't got these many compliments from all girls put together in 23 years,
But this whole anonymous thing is damn queer,
If u are smart enuf to write this,this whole secret identity idea is crap,
So tell me who you are,please come out of the wraps,
I have a faint idea about who you really are,
So please don't act dumb like Santa Sardaar,
I don't know if it will be a 'you've got mail' or a 'Notting Hill'
But if u booze,we coulg go out and I won't ask you to pay the bill.
So lets stop this "catch me if you can',
Coz I am as bad as catching as a Pakistani fieldsman.
P.S-I haven't named anybody,so raj's case won't stand,
and USHA fans are awesome,so your sarcasm is hard to understand.
"I have a faint idea about who you really are,"..so who do you think I am..just curious to know...and how exactly have I "put me in a tight spot"???..also pls note my mail ID amelieg@rediffmail.com..don't wanna make more kachra of your blog u c....blog ki sanctity ki dhajiya uda di...
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