I know it's a mission impossible,
like FIFA World Cup featuring the Indian team,
But like every middle class person,
becoming a celebrity is my dream!
A cricketer,a movie star,a politician,
Even being a Pg 3 personality would do,
Forgetting all concerns over human dignity,
I'll readily act in a K-serial too.
Even being dumb would make news,
People would finally listen to my drunken rants,
Every stupidity could become a new style statement,
including going out partying without any underpants!
My inactive blog would have visitors and comments,
I could even tweet about time I spent in the toilet,
And if anybody ever finds anything offensive,
I could simply claim that they always misinterpret.
Women who tried to get rid of me by tying rakhis,
would want me to hold a 'swayamvadhu',
I'll throw tantrums publicly for a change,
Because that's what a celeb is supposed to do!
Pretty easy to become one,that aliens kidnapped my cows,
to some news channel I could tell,
I could ask someone to forcibly kiss me,
or simply fall down a tubewell.
After a couple of weeks..
Damn,it's hard to find tubewells in city,
& Bobby Darling was the only celeb willing to kiss me,
though Abhishek and John may have made it cool,
a Gay Icon,I ain't ready to be.
But I assure that there'll be a time when,
they'll bid for my used toilet paper on e-Bay,
So my Dad turns overnight into Vijay Mallya,
is something I have begun to daily pray!
Had fun writing this one..visualizing people like Paris Hilton,Lindsay Lohan,Kamal R Khan in my mind,had started on it a month back and then had put it on a backburner..already started working like a celeb! :P
Friday, August 20, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Paimona..
Sometimes,you just have an indefinable craving to share what you have experienced :).Below is the translation of a Persian poem written by Omar Khayyam.I came across it on another blog.Advise you to check out its rendition by Zeb and Haniya which is one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself,
for, I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze.
Your Eyes light up my secret garden
Your Face makes luminous every rose therein.
Face like a flower, it give petals their sweet fragrance
The mystic land of my Beloved is placeless.
I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze,
Bring! bring! so I may annihilate myself.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself.
If I hear the message of Your sacred arrival,
Under Your feet, I will spread a carpet of flowers.
Spread flowers, Spread rose flowers,
I will sacrifice myself at the dust of Your feet.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself,
I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself,
for, I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze.
Your Eyes light up my secret garden
Your Face makes luminous every rose therein.
Face like a flower, it give petals their sweet fragrance
The mystic land of my Beloved is placeless.
I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze,
Bring! bring! so I may annihilate myself.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself.
If I hear the message of Your sacred arrival,
Under Your feet, I will spread a carpet of flowers.
Spread flowers, Spread rose flowers,
I will sacrifice myself at the dust of Your feet.
Bring me the chalice, so I may lose myself,
I'm in love with my Beloved’s intoxicating Gaze.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Journey Without End..
Date: 23rd October, 2007.
Alarm rings, wake up, brush your teeth, have a bath, breakfast, grab the newspaper, head out for college, catch the 7.30 a.m train for Bandra.
Every special day starts with the same ordinary things.
Jostle through the sea of humanity, get on the train; mission accomplished.
Vacant seat found, the feeling is equivalent to winning the World Cup for a rush-hour traveler in a Mumbai local.
I settle down and open the crossword, and can God be any crueler! I see an aged woman standing right in front of me. Times have changed, Knights of the Past have been replaced by harried commuters and Fair Princesses by Aged Women. I vacate my seat, half-chivalrous, half-grumpy and start looking around for a place to stand and that’s when time stops for me; There she stood in all her glory, in the Ladies compartment, smiling at me from across the grille.
If my life was some Hollywood movie, I am sure James Blunt would have started crooning,
“I saw your face, in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do?”
Now considering that I am no Tom Cruise (or even Shakti Kapoor), girls only smile at guys like me when we are making a fool of ourselves. The top 3 possible explanations in my mind, ”My fly is open.”, “ I have a stupid expression on my face.”, “I am dreaming.” . Check the fly, put on a serious expression, pinch myself and she still smiles. All three explanations nullified!
It takes a shove from some jerk to bring me back to Local-Trainland; I do what any sane person would have done at first go, I smile back. She waves and if love at first wave existed, I think I had it.
I had one special thing added to the list of ordinary things each morning; her smiling and waving at me. I say, forget getting AC coaches, just get a pretty female to smile at you from across the coach, local train travel becomes so tolerable.
I kept moving closer to the partition each day, feeling like Moses parting the Red Sea (in my case, smelly people) in slow motion. And one fine day I am standing next to her; we start chatting as if we have known each other for ages (which we have, right?). That 1 hr of travelling together, slowly becomes the best hour of the day for both of us, and one fine day, I find the courage to ask her, “Do you mind travelling in my compartment?”
She starts laughing, “I thought you were going to ask something else.”
And realizing, it was my cue to do, as they say colloquially, ”Chance Pe Dance”, I say, ”What if I did ask you what you thought I would?”
She smiles and replies, “You really are the Slow Local”.
And then we became one compartment from two!
Life couldn’t have been better. Time flew by like the stations going past, memories crowding our minds like people getting in.
23rd October 2009, our 2nd Anniversary, we are both done with college and have started working; I want to take her out for shopping. She insists we travel by train, “It is what brought us together, you know.”
It is drizzling steadily, the train is unusually empty. We both are standing at the door (Only a Mumbaiikar can find such a setting romantic). We feel as close to each other as we have ever felt. We look outside but think about each other.
Out of nowhere, there is a huge jolt, the compartment is in the air and gets off the track(I later get to know a pipeline fell on the train); I see her falling out of the door, my hand reaching out to her…
...there is a sudden jolt, I wake up, she, my wife now, is smiling at me, “We have reached Bandra and I don’t need to be saved again, oldie!” . I look down to find that I am holding her hand tight, just the way I had held it 40 years back on that day. I smile,”Just making sure I don’t end any journey without you, alone.
Author's Note - Got myself medically tested after writing this, Testosterone levels were at an all-time low :D
First Post after getting an Editor.Thanks Jules :)
Sunday, July 4, 2010
The Rainbow Painter
Long ago I had heard tales about someone,
whom everybody called The Rainbow Painter,
She coloured everything the way you wanted,
using that magic brush of hers.
For years I searched her everywhere,
Like a lost sailor looking for land,
and just when I had given up on her as a myth,
she came and touched my hand.
One look at her and I knew,
what I had heard of,was for real,
Because when she began to paint,
She made even the mundane,ethereal.
The whole world was her canvas,
If she didn't paint it,its meaning would cease,
So I asked what I had always wanted to ask,
"Could you draw me something please?".
She smiled and began her work,
Colouring my life with love,joy & contentment,
To thank the Heavens for letting her find me,
I closed my eyes for a moment.
When I opened them,it was all colourless again,
She had never been here,it seems,
I realized,I had dreamt of her once more,
But I know my Rainbow Painter isn't a dream.
That my friends,is the 50th post on my blog!!!Yippee!
whom everybody called The Rainbow Painter,
She coloured everything the way you wanted,
using that magic brush of hers.
For years I searched her everywhere,
Like a lost sailor looking for land,
and just when I had given up on her as a myth,
she came and touched my hand.
One look at her and I knew,
what I had heard of,was for real,
Because when she began to paint,
She made even the mundane,ethereal.
The whole world was her canvas,
If she didn't paint it,its meaning would cease,
So I asked what I had always wanted to ask,
"Could you draw me something please?".
She smiled and began her work,
Colouring my life with love,joy & contentment,
To thank the Heavens for letting her find me,
I closed my eyes for a moment.
When I opened them,it was all colourless again,
She had never been here,it seems,
I realized,I had dreamt of her once more,
But I know my Rainbow Painter isn't a dream.
That my friends,is the 50th post on my blog!!!Yippee!
Monday, June 14, 2010
She Will Be Loved...
"You will always be loved."
That is what he had told her 13 years back,when they had gotten married much to the surprise of everyone around them,including himself.
He always knew that it wasn't going to be a smooth ride,but he didn't expect it to be this rough either.
They were two completely different individuals,chalk and cheese,he sometimes referred to themselves jokingly as 'India-Pakistan',much to her embarrasment.But he had faith.
They tried hard,both of them,but some differences are just too huge to bridge.
He thought of the last time he had seen her:
Things had been awfully bad,both for them as a couple and as individuals.He had been having a tough time at work,working late hours everyday,and she had had a miscarriage.But today was different.He had just recieved a promotion.He knew that she had been really irritated and disturbed for the past few weeks but hadn't been able to pay too much attention.He thought, taking her out,would be perfect way to make it up to her.
He reached home at 7,a few hours earlier than he usually did.He opened the door using his key.He heard music;Mr.Brightside,her favourite song playing,he smiled,it seemed like a good sign.
It started out with a kiss,
How did it end up like this?
He tip-toed towards the bedroom,wanting to surprise her;he pushed the door open and yelled jubilantly,"Saakshi,let's go out!"
And it’s all in my head,
But she’s touching his—chest,
Now, he takes off her dress,
Now, let me go.
But neither was it just in his head and nor could he,or any of the other 2 people in the room,let it go.But yes,he did surprise her.One is bound to,when you walk onto your wife cheating on you.
Or probably,he is the only one surprised,was he not stupid,not to realise what had been going on?!
The other guy tries to explain something,he cannot hear anything,all he can do is simply stare at her face;she seems angry yet guilty,she picks up the gun lying by the bedside....
I just can’t look its killing me.
3 years have passed,he has spent a lot of time,trying to decipher the look she had on her face at that moment.Perhaps,she hadn't felt guilty.He,for some reason,just hasn't been able to let go.
It's time again,he wakes up from his reverie.
The setting is very much the same and yet so different.
The same song plays but it's a different set of lines,they both are still in the room,they haven't seen him but still seem a bit nervous and he sees them but doesn't need to open the door for that.He simply stands at the doorframe,where he was shot dead by her.It hurt in the beginning but now he has come to look forward to the whole routine,he has a sense of power over them which he lacked 3 years back.
And taking control..
He smiles sinisterly,afterall,death wouldn't prevent him from making sure that his promise was kept,whether or not,"She Will Be Loved".
For Best Results-Read it while listening along to Mr.Brightside by The Killers :D
Have just been listening too often to Mr.Brightside(it's my cell's ringtone) and reading too much of Stephen King.
P.S- For those who didn't get it,the guy was shot dead by the female,but his ghost has been there,haunting her for the past 3 years.
That is what he had told her 13 years back,when they had gotten married much to the surprise of everyone around them,including himself.
He always knew that it wasn't going to be a smooth ride,but he didn't expect it to be this rough either.
They were two completely different individuals,chalk and cheese,he sometimes referred to themselves jokingly as 'India-Pakistan',much to her embarrasment.But he had faith.
They tried hard,both of them,but some differences are just too huge to bridge.
He thought of the last time he had seen her:
Things had been awfully bad,both for them as a couple and as individuals.He had been having a tough time at work,working late hours everyday,and she had had a miscarriage.But today was different.He had just recieved a promotion.He knew that she had been really irritated and disturbed for the past few weeks but hadn't been able to pay too much attention.He thought, taking her out,would be perfect way to make it up to her.
He reached home at 7,a few hours earlier than he usually did.He opened the door using his key.He heard music;Mr.Brightside,her favourite song playing,he smiled,it seemed like a good sign.
It started out with a kiss,
How did it end up like this?
He tip-toed towards the bedroom,wanting to surprise her;he pushed the door open and yelled jubilantly,"Saakshi,let's go out!"
And it’s all in my head,
But she’s touching his—chest,
Now, he takes off her dress,
Now, let me go.
But neither was it just in his head and nor could he,or any of the other 2 people in the room,let it go.But yes,he did surprise her.One is bound to,when you walk onto your wife cheating on you.
Or probably,he is the only one surprised,was he not stupid,not to realise what had been going on?!
The other guy tries to explain something,he cannot hear anything,all he can do is simply stare at her face;she seems angry yet guilty,she picks up the gun lying by the bedside....
I just can’t look its killing me.
3 years have passed,he has spent a lot of time,trying to decipher the look she had on her face at that moment.Perhaps,she hadn't felt guilty.He,for some reason,just hasn't been able to let go.
It's time again,he wakes up from his reverie.
The setting is very much the same and yet so different.
The same song plays but it's a different set of lines,they both are still in the room,they haven't seen him but still seem a bit nervous and he sees them but doesn't need to open the door for that.He simply stands at the doorframe,where he was shot dead by her.It hurt in the beginning but now he has come to look forward to the whole routine,he has a sense of power over them which he lacked 3 years back.
And taking control..
He smiles sinisterly,afterall,death wouldn't prevent him from making sure that his promise was kept,whether or not,"She Will Be Loved".
For Best Results-Read it while listening along to Mr.Brightside by The Killers :D
Have just been listening too often to Mr.Brightside(it's my cell's ringtone) and reading too much of Stephen King.
P.S- For those who didn't get it,the guy was shot dead by the female,but his ghost has been there,haunting her for the past 3 years.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Another Cubicle In The Bay..
Read this now,my fellow sufferers,
for tomorrow this work may invite a ban,
This is not mere cribbing my friend,
I take up the grouse of every working man. (and woman,don't want to be a sexist)
I know I am no genius like Hawking,
Nor like Pitt,my glimpse makes anybody's day,
But what I ask from the Almighty,
is not to let me become,another cubicle in the bay.
Even holding this job involves a casting couch,
It's just probably of a low profile kind,
There is consensual screwing as expected,
But fortunately it's only of our mind.
I knew 'Common sense is not so common',
But I expected a bit as the hierarchy goes up,
and to find it inversely proportional over there,
was as shocking as England winning the World Cup.
After a weekday,even drinking the whole of world's cola,
Won't make me say,"Yeh Dil Maange More!",
But I was curious,so I consulted a lawyer,
'That slavery had been abolished',somehow he was sure!
We can't be doing this to ourselves on our own,
With 'Imperius' curse,we are being controlled,
Rajkumar Hirani may have filmed the story of 3 Idiots,
But stories of 30 lakh other Idiots lie untold!
Life is sucked out of me,each day,every month,
Even Yamraaj seems to have jumped onto the EMI bandwagon,
Some of us even get our asses kicked much more,
than Bruce Lee's enemies in 'Enter The Dragon'.
And let me assure you,I am not the only one,
Even Chidambaram sometimes finds his job pathetic,
Forgive me,if I may have sounded too harsh,
Job Dissatisfaction Syndrome is the most widespread epidemic!
Inspired by a blog post by a colleague and the song,"Another Brick In the Wall"
Disclaimer-If the employers of the author come to possess this piece of writing,he wants to assure them that he really loves his job,more than Nityanand loves Tamil actresses,Mayawati loves her statues and Raj Thackeray loves Abu Azmi!This is just an effort to malign his good name!!
for tomorrow this work may invite a ban,
This is not mere cribbing my friend,
I take up the grouse of every working man. (and woman,don't want to be a sexist)
I know I am no genius like Hawking,
Nor like Pitt,my glimpse makes anybody's day,
But what I ask from the Almighty,
is not to let me become,another cubicle in the bay.
Even holding this job involves a casting couch,
It's just probably of a low profile kind,
There is consensual screwing as expected,
But fortunately it's only of our mind.
I knew 'Common sense is not so common',
But I expected a bit as the hierarchy goes up,
and to find it inversely proportional over there,
was as shocking as England winning the World Cup.
After a weekday,even drinking the whole of world's cola,
Won't make me say,"Yeh Dil Maange More!",
But I was curious,so I consulted a lawyer,
'That slavery had been abolished',somehow he was sure!
We can't be doing this to ourselves on our own,
With 'Imperius' curse,we are being controlled,
Rajkumar Hirani may have filmed the story of 3 Idiots,
But stories of 30 lakh other Idiots lie untold!
Life is sucked out of me,each day,every month,
Even Yamraaj seems to have jumped onto the EMI bandwagon,
Some of us even get our asses kicked much more,
than Bruce Lee's enemies in 'Enter The Dragon'.
And let me assure you,I am not the only one,
Even Chidambaram sometimes finds his job pathetic,
Forgive me,if I may have sounded too harsh,
Job Dissatisfaction Syndrome is the most widespread epidemic!
Inspired by a blog post by a colleague and the song,"Another Brick In the Wall"
Disclaimer-If the employers of the author come to possess this piece of writing,he wants to assure them that he really loves his job,more than Nityanand loves Tamil actresses,Mayawati loves her statues and Raj Thackeray loves Abu Azmi!This is just an effort to malign his good name!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Lalit Laloo and Mayaji
Inside scoop on how finally Pune and Kochi got their franchisees! :D
"Welcome Laloo and Mayawati,"said Modi,
"How can I be of service to thee?",
"We want a team each",said Mayaji in sweet voice,
"Lalooji's will be Patna Bahubalis and mine Behenji's Boys."
"Like most of you,money is all I care about,I proudly say",
"So how much for each team are you guys gonna pay?",
"When 82.5% of Parliament belongs to backward classes and women,",
Behenji says,"be thankful we are asking for 1 each,not for all 10!".
Modi worried now,politely asks Laloo,
"How will you buy players,even if I give the team to you?",
Laloo is offended,"How the hell can you forget the Fodder scam?!",
"Worst case,my 9 kids can form a team,Modi you be damned!"
Modi enraged now,"What have you guys ever done for cricket?",
"You haven't even given a single ex-cricketer an election ticket!",
They say in unison,"If we hadn't screwed up UP and Bihar,",
"Dhoni,Raina would have been engineer/doctor,not cricketing stars!"
Modi relents,"Just take your team and go!",
Laloo says,"Just like I did with Railways,I'll again steal the show!",
Mayaji gets dreamy,"I'll be the Cheerleader Queen!",
"Coz' when I put on my dancing clothes,Preity will become a Has-Been!"
Hearin this,KC Rao for a seperate Telangana team,sits on Hunger Strike,
while Mamta Di for only Bengali players demands a pay hike,
Oblivious,Behenji and Laloo hire KRK,Ravi Kissen as Franchisee Models,
and Mayaji even holds a huge rally in the state capital!
But midway,the rally is attacked by a squad of trained commando bees!,
Mayaji alleges it is the other team owners and orders several inquiries,
But surprise,for the first time an attacked is owned up by Pakistan,
"How can we allow IPL if on our players,you put a ban?!"
Modi has had enough,it's finally time to be a man!
"Why have Pakistani players,when their country themselves has put a ban."
He promises Maya,Mayawati Ka Swaymvar and Laloo,a buffalo every day.
And thus they relented,and the teams went to Kochi and Pune!
Disclaimer-Inspired by True Events and People,but bears no resemblance to truth :)
"Welcome Laloo and Mayawati,"said Modi,
"How can I be of service to thee?",
"We want a team each",said Mayaji in sweet voice,
"Lalooji's will be Patna Bahubalis and mine Behenji's Boys."
"Like most of you,money is all I care about,I proudly say",
"So how much for each team are you guys gonna pay?",
"When 82.5% of Parliament belongs to backward classes and women,",
Behenji says,"be thankful we are asking for 1 each,not for all 10!".
Modi worried now,politely asks Laloo,
"How will you buy players,even if I give the team to you?",
Laloo is offended,"How the hell can you forget the Fodder scam?!",
"Worst case,my 9 kids can form a team,Modi you be damned!"
Modi enraged now,"What have you guys ever done for cricket?",
"You haven't even given a single ex-cricketer an election ticket!",
They say in unison,"If we hadn't screwed up UP and Bihar,",
"Dhoni,Raina would have been engineer/doctor,not cricketing stars!"
Modi relents,"Just take your team and go!",
Laloo says,"Just like I did with Railways,I'll again steal the show!",
Mayaji gets dreamy,"I'll be the Cheerleader Queen!",
"Coz' when I put on my dancing clothes,Preity will become a Has-Been!"
Hearin this,KC Rao for a seperate Telangana team,sits on Hunger Strike,
while Mamta Di for only Bengali players demands a pay hike,
Oblivious,Behenji and Laloo hire KRK,Ravi Kissen as Franchisee Models,
and Mayaji even holds a huge rally in the state capital!
But midway,the rally is attacked by a squad of trained commando bees!,
Mayaji alleges it is the other team owners and orders several inquiries,
But surprise,for the first time an attacked is owned up by Pakistan,
"How can we allow IPL if on our players,you put a ban?!"
Modi has had enough,it's finally time to be a man!
"Why have Pakistani players,when their country themselves has put a ban."
He promises Maya,Mayawati Ka Swaymvar and Laloo,a buffalo every day.
And thus they relented,and the teams went to Kochi and Pune!
Disclaimer-Inspired by True Events and People,but bears no resemblance to truth :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)