This story doesn't need my name, although, you may want to
know a bit about me. Obviously, you would need that to form a judgement of me.
We may not be in a position to judge ourselves, our thoughts, our actions, our
sentiments but when it comes to judging others, that is something we all excel
at. So, following the rules of the society that I need to live in, I'll play
along. I am male, 36, unmarried, 6 figure monthly salary, 5'9", above
average looks, smoker, insomniac, consume alcohol daily but not an alcoholic.
This story has traversed through a number of places and it
will travel still further. Suffice it is for you to know that right now I am in
the bedroom of my apartment, seated on a recliner positioned along the wall
across my bed.It is 3 am.Yes, I am smoking. No, I am not alone.
She is sleeping. She, is obviously a female, 34, a writer,
5'6", non-smoker, non-drinker, to me she looks as beautiful as anybody can
look.She sleeps like a log. We have been together for 13 years now. No, we were
never married. I never saw the need for it. I felt I had all that I wanted
because we have been there for each other.
I met her in 2000. A party, at a mutual friend's place. Her
date was stoned to oblivion. I offered to drop her home as a courtesy to the
host.To make up for the fact that I had puked all over his washroom's floor the
last time I was at his place.I hold my drink much better now. I told her,
"Don't worry. I'll drop you home". She reluctantly agreed.
It was an uneventful drive. We kept quiet mostly.
I dropped her at her place, only to get back and see that
the rear tyre was punctured. I did not know how to change the tyre. I went back
to her place to make a call to the towing service. She was surprised to see me
back. I explained. She made the call. The towing truck would take a couple of
hours. I walked back to the car to wait.Put on some Opera music and reclined
the seat. 2 minutes later, she knocked the window asking if I needed company. I
said I wouldn't mind. She hopped in, asked me if I liked Pavarotti. I said yes.
She said, let's go back to my place,I have a huge collection. She let me in.
We got talking and we never stopped. We were like animals
from a herd. We loved the same things, hated the same things, feared the same
things. 6 months later, I moved in.
We still joke sometimes that we are together because of a
stoned ex, a punctured tyre and my lack of know-how of fixing it.
The only issue, we ever had any disagreements over, was
marriage. Although, the disagreement was of a more intellectual rather than
personal nature.I saw it as the social equivalent of prison system; she begged
to differ. We agreed to disagree. 3 years later, our little pact was declared
null and void unilaterally, by her. She asked me to move out. We still went on
seeing each other. In hindsight, she was right. I do feel unmoored and lost
sometimes.
It is these hours that I miss her the most, when I have her
with me and all I can do is see her. I feel as if we are wasting time. I want
more of her. Again, the animal thing. Greed. Although, we carefully avoid
expressing how much we need each other.
She is stirring. It is 5 am. She has an internal body clock
that amazes me. I light another cigarette and close my eyes. Wait. Her phone
starts ringing. I get up to hand it over to her. She is up before me, switches
on the bedside lamp, grabs the phone and answers,"No, I was up. See you
soon.".
It's her husband. Back from his weekly business trip. The
only thing I envy him, is the fact that in his relationship, he feels that she
is waiting for him. With me and her, it is usually me.
But we need each other as much. Or else we would not be
where we are now; where we are every week.
She gets up and starts stuffing her belongings in a bag. She
is still on phone which probably means he is talking gibberish about his
business trip. I don't get up to help. I don't want her to leave. She looks at
me resignedly.
All of us are animals. There are things we need, that
are uncompromisable, food, companionship, security. We need a
shelter. We need each other.
She finally disconnects. Both from the call and from us.
Hurriedly, she smiles at me,grabs her bag and begins to leave. I tell her,
"Don't worry. I'll drop you home"
