Farewell to Arms..

"Pick up the gun and shoot asshole"

I stare silently and intently at the intimidating piece of black metal.It has been weeks since I last used it. And now even though I just want to pick it up and shoot,I can do nothing but stare at it.

"You are a sissy piece of shit!What are you scared of?Haven't you killed anyone before?Look at yourself in the mirror,shivering like a 15 year old bride on her first night"

I shrug off the insult,worse have been hurled at me and after all words can never hurt as much as bullets right?

I hear her voice,soothing,comforting,the only promise in the bleakness of my accursed life but I know it's just in my head.I start smiling wryly.

"You have lost it!You have become crazy.Now do what I say and finish it off"

I am not insane but they snatched away the only sane thing I ever possessed,shooting her in cold-blood right in front of my eyes.I would have wished myself dead if I did not wish to kill those who killed her.I vowed vengeance and it kept me alive in my darkest days.

"Stop ranting uselessly and finish off what you started.It was all meant to be this way.Stop having different ideas.Never think too much.You think too much,you die"

He says this and he starts laughing maniacally.

Three weeks since I killed the last of them.After that I have sat every evening like this,wondering what's next.

"You have suffered enough punishment and there's no redemption for you.The only option you have is in front of you"

He talks shit.He really does but it is also true.One's conscience doesn't lie.As I pick up the gun,point it at my own head and shoot,he calmly says 'those who live by the gun,die by it'