Sand Holes..

This world,
A sea of people,
And you rush out,
Like a wave,
Crashing in to me,
Trying to shatter my doubts.

Like the shore,
Aloof & away I stay,
From this sea,

Until I am drenched 

To my bones,

with your warmth,

And some bits of me like sand,
Try grasping on to you,
Craving to make you my own.

But you slip away,
taking bits of me,
with you, & yet every time,
Before I miss you,
you come back again,
from the world,
Reminding me of the familiar,
Yet bringing something new.

And in that moment
every conscious thought,
like writings in the sand,
is eroded from the surface,
of my being, as you permeate,
every void in my soul,
like water into sand holes.

The Ring..

I am an old man and it is perhaps our nature to tell tales. Some that draw on our memories and a few that you, young folks might call a lovechild, of our expectations and years of bottled bitterness. But to us, all of them are as true as the sun rising in the east.

You might find the one that I am about to tell you, a bit of both. So sit back & relax. Listen to my story & be the judge and jury on this one.


I have been married for a while. 43 years to be precise. She was my first love and I was her first too. We were full of love & had little of anything else. She told me, we'll save the regrets for when we are old. Didn't take us too long to decide to take the plunge. After all, when you are young, you think with your heart.

She just had a tiny condition. She wanted a ring that reminded her of how much I loved her; forever. It didn't have to be the most beautiful, the biggest or the priciest, it just had to be unique. Every lover is a knight seeking a quest and I took this one to be mine.

I knew I wouldn't find it in the the regular stores, so I never went there. If I had, this story may probably have turned out a bit differently. I scoured small pawnshops, auctions and antique stores for months with a feverish spirit but only met with failure. I gave myself another week and decided I would buy what I could find with my light pockets & heavy heart.

I was visiting a couple of my friends in another town during the said week. I was out alone on a casual stroll. Lost in my thoughts, I had lost my way as well. Just as I realized, that I need to figure out how to get back, was when I saw it on the window front of a small store.

It was exquisite. Rose gold coloured with intricate carving on the band and a stone on the crown, so finely cut that the reflected light just seem to dazzle out of it. I knew it was the one.

I entered the store & it seemed as if I had travelled back in time. Red felt lined the walls and a large chandelier hung from the ceiling. Even though it was daytime, hardly any light or sound from outside trickled in.

Most surprisingly, there was no proprietor. I called out a couple of times but there seemed to be nobody around. I approached the window where I had seen the ring. I wanted to pick it up & get going. As I was leaning across the counter for a closer look, I heard a door far back in the shop open. By the time I turned around, there was an old man with grizzled hair, heavily leaning on a cane at the far end of the counter.

'Nothing for sale. Leave.'

But I wasn't willing to give up so easily. I explained my predicament to him, offered him all I could in terms of money and told him that I would not leave unless he sold me the ring.

'Fool. Fine, take it. But remember, whoever gets the ring will love you forever.'

I smiled and told him, I'd be a lucky man if that were so.

He gave a derisive laugh, 'Only fools believe in luck & love'. I paid him, picked the ring and got out. When I looked at it, I knew I came out better in the bargain. What a fool I really was!

Well, she was ecstatic when she saw the ring. We got married within a month. Our initial years seem like another world now. We travelled, we laughed, we loved & we lived.

But we did have our share of ups & downs. A few years ago, there was a time everyone was sure she had left me for good. But she came back. I was broken when she left & shocked when she came back.

She's changed a lot since then but I should have expected it. She doesn't smile much anymore. Doesn't talk much either. Her touch is colder. She likes to keep to herself.  But when you have been together this long, you know each other too well to have the need to talk, and well the world we are living in, isn't much to talk about right? At least, that's what I tell myself and I prefer it this way.

It's only at night when she crawls in to the bed next to me that I long to be alone. I tried changing rooms, homes, cities but she finds her way. It's been 5 years since I slept at night. But I expect anybody will have difficulty sleeping next to someone you love who's been dead all this while.

What time is it? 9 PM already? Time flies when you are having fun, eh? I hear her in the other room. Every night I am reminded of those words that the years had made me forget, 'Whoever gets the ring will love you forever'. Well, I know that for a fact now.

I loved her to death but she continues to do so from beyond. But I guess that's what true love is...

Claustrophobia

Look at those dreams full of panic,
Facing the hordes of expectations,
Cramped and Surrounded,
Shivering as claustrophobia kicks in.

They seek an escape,
Trying to flee the searing pain,
But for every one that makes it through,
Billions break down into something mundane.

Like the forgotten people,
This world didn't bother to know,
The dreams step back,
Far away in paranoia's shadows.

Through curtains of gloom, they peek,
into the world they wouldn't be seen,
With a smile of disappointment,
Wondering all they could been.

Gean..

Remember how it began,
Your smile tells me,
You probably knew it from the start.
You held my hand,
Now you have a hold,
Over my heart.

Moments with you just add up,
And life becomes more,
than the sum of its parts.
Like a couple of jigsaw pieces
that fit together,
We aren't made to be apart

Life meanders slowly,
taking the course,
that love will chart.
So hop aboard,
Let's be each other's muse,
Because love is a piece of art.

The Painter..

"Would you paint me?"

He looked at her and calmly answered, "No".

"But you promised. It's been 6 years."

He looked at her knowing that this argument had been happening more & more frequently of late, "But we have been over this so many times. I have told you. I just can't do it."

She knocked down one of his easels, "But I want you to! What use is your talent if you can't do a such a small thing for me!"

He pleaded, "You don't understand. I can't do it to you. I love you."

"So you can paint all these other people. Show-off your talent to the whole world but you can't do this one thing for the woman you tell that you love above all?"

"That's precisely the reason I can't do this."

She tried tactfully, "But why? You keep telling me that I am the most beautiful woman you have known. Can't you do this for me? For us? You haven't painted anyone in all these years! Think of what it can do for you!"

He looked at the paintings on the walls around him. His life's work and felt the burden of guilt. Every gift comes with a price.

He told her with a tone of finality," I wouldn't".

We all wear masks and this was perhaps the cue she needed for her to drop hers.

"What do you think? Why did I marry you? Look at you! Old, disintegrating, half-senile. I wanted to be one of your masterpieces. That's all I wanted from you. To be immortalized. To be seen and appreciated by the world. To be be admired for posterity"

He looked at her anguished. More anguished because he had been denying these truths to himself all years.

He tried to deny the reality feebly,"But you told me that you love me."

"So did I to many others. Words come cheap."

He tried finding some solace,"But you have been faithful to me?"

She laughed cruelly," What do you think?"

Her words shattered his weakly held faith like a rock crashing through glass. He collapsed on a chair & started weeping.

She looked at him coldly,"I'll be leaving in the morning. It would be best if you don't create a scene by trying to stop me"

He wished he never saw the morning. He sat awake through the night. Regretting the illusions of the beautiful life he had built & pondering if there was any reason to continue. At the first crack of dawn, he heard sounds from the bedroom and stood up resolutely.

He walked in to the bedroom. Their room. He thought he should have felt the pangs of happier memories, that his steps would falter. They didn't.

"I will paint you. This would be my last gift to you"

She turned surprised,"Will you? I am still going to leave though."

"It would be my most revered work. I owe it you."

She couldn't help but smile. " Oh why did you have to deny me all this while!"

"I just wanted to see how much you wanted it"

"Alright. Let me get ready. Should I come down to the studio?"

"There's no need. My brush & your beauty is all we need."

She held his hand & walked with him to the studio. He smiled inwardly. It had been a while since she had shown him such care.

He seated her on a stool and picked up his palette. She was smiling. He started mixing his colors & using them on the canvas.

"Something is happening. I am not feeling right"

"Relax Lisa, you are just feeling nervous". As he continued painting, he smile grew. 

"Leo, I don't know what's going on. I am feeling lighter, like I am fading". On the canvas, her portrait began looking more & more life-like.

"And how do you think my paintings have always looked so real?".

She screamed. But they slowly receded until they were trapped in the canvas. 

He laughed maniacally as he applied the final strokes. "Keep smiling. After all, you wanted to be a masterpiece Mona Lisa".

Home..

Let's build a home
Together You & I,
A room each for,
Hopes & Dreams,
And paint it with all the Love.

Let's step out,
in the bustling bazaars of Life,
Spend some Time,
And bring back a few memories,
To decorate these walls with.

Let's make the fixtures,
Out of Happiness,
And then light them up,
One-by-one,
With that smile of yours

Where Tears,
are just occasional visitors,
And Joy our friendly neighbour,
Whom we visit every other day,
For a cup of Laughter.

But Building some beautiful,
is always hard work,
You smile because you know,
And say,'hold my hand,
And don't quit,
Because I'd never let go'

Virus

In my head,
Multiplying endlessly,
Infecting everything,
Thoughts, emotions, memories.

People saw the change,
Yet I ignored the warning signs,
And now she is the only thing,
that occupies this mind of mine.

As I lose myself,
Everyday a bit more,
I know that she's the illness,
I know she is the cure.

It was only her,
That I wanted the most,
The thought of us infests me,
Like a virus taking over the host.

Mirages..

Sitting on a beach chair, he gazed out at the blue waters ahead of him. A large smile on his face. As she took his hand in hers, he closed his eyes and tried to savor the moment.

"Sir, left or right"

He opened his eyes to find himself in the back seat of an Uber. It took a moment to register that he was on his way back home from work. "Left. Then right after signal", he sighed.

His phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and saw it was a call from her. He let it ring a few times and then grudgingly picked it up.

"Yes. I am on my way".

"I know I said I'll be back early. Last minute meetings"

"No. Listen to me...."

He slapped his thigh in frustration.

"Sir. Music switch off?"

"No. Just take a right."

He shook his head and settled back. Opened his mail on the smartphone, swiftly sending out a few replies and updating his calendar.

20 minutes later, he was ringing the doorbell. She opened the door.

"Wow. Didn't expect you."

"Listen. I am sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"You look exhausted. Can I fix you a drink?"

"Yes. I'll like that"

As she headed in to the kitchen, he loosened his tie and kicked off his shoes. He looked up at the wall and smiled. She had the photo of the two of them, holding hands, sitting on the beach; his eyes closed.

She walked back in with two glasses and saw him looking at the picture. She handed one of the glasses to him.

"Seems ages back"

She replied,"It was. 15 years"

"Thanks for making me feel older"

"I wish I could say wiser as well"

He laughed. She joined in.

His phone rang again. She asked,"Is that from work?"

"I really don't care."

She softened,"Everything fine?"

He shook his head,"I am tired. This isn't the life I want."

She shifted closer to him,"Don't worry. We all feel like that sometimes"

His phone buzzed again. He reluctantly picked it up.

"This is the fourth time I called! Why were you not picking up the phone? Are you coming home or not?!"

He looked at her, "No. I had to head back. Some urgent work. Sorry."

"Are you serious? It is our anniversary! There are people waiting here."

He closed his eyes,"Sorry. Sorry for putting you through this"

She had cut the call. He thought of the last 15 years. He turned and she was looking at him.

"You should head home"

He said aloud, "I wish I had stayed when you asked me to."

She smiled sadly, "Your staying wouldn't have been any surety for happiness"

He chuckled. Gulped his drink. "You are right.". Walking out of her place, he turned back, "And there's no reason to be sure that my current life would could lead to it either."

He stood a while on the street. Paralyzed. Trying to think but blank. After a few moments of uncertainty, he threw his phone away. He hailed a cab and quickly got in.

"Sir? Where?"

"Take me as far away from this city as you can."

You..

If you let it linger,
for just a while,
I'll walk a mile,
Just to see you smile.

I can drown out,
the world's noise,
to just listen too,
the sound of your voice.

Spend forever,
Talking to you,
So like I know myself,
I get to know you too.

Hold on to,
this feeling we've got,
that we found someone,
we forever had sought.

Broken..

She said she was losing,
herself bit by bit,
Like sand through
a broken hourglass, nothing
on the other end to contain it.

To this world,
All calm it seems,
But listen closely,
and hear the voices raging,
Sobs, sighs and screams.

He told her once,
that she was his light,
But her mind now was,
full of darkness, hiding
demons she can't fight.

As whirlpools of her fears,
began to pull her in,
She told him,
'Let go of me,
it's a battle you can't win'

Looking into his eyes,
She smiled to make it feel right,
and began fading away,
back into the desolation,
Until his arms grasped her tight.

She struggled more,
with herself than with him,
before saying, 'It's for you.
For the obvious you can't see',
But he calmly whispered,
'I can't let go of you. If I do,
I'll be losing a part of me'

Tattoos..

I hide under layers,
the ones that are ugly,
and leave some,
for the world to see.

A few that were whims,
Some that I did want,

Now all of them mistakes,

that just continue to haunt

The pain only comes
when I look at them as slurs,
and scratch at these impressions,
hoping that they blur.

I hope that time,
will fade at least a few,
or that these old ones,
will be covered by some new.

But they left a mark,
those moments with you,
Etched on my skin,
Like a tattoo.

Fractions..

You & me,
are just fractions,
Sometimes improper,
and irrational occasionally.

Always noticing
and reacting only to,
the signs between us,
Cross out some complexities,
or focus,
on our differences,
that leave us with,
less than what each of us was.

We'll continue being parts,
or whole but never more,
unless in our base
natures, we try finding,
those commonalities,
that help us add up,
& be both complete & more.

Thank GoT..

If Westeros had a House In-Relationship,

He was its bastard son,

But he never stopped believing,

Just like Melisandre in the Chosen One.

He got dumped with the same frequency as,

Jon Snow was told,'You know nothing',

Women had similar sentiments for him,

as Knight's Watch did for the Wildlings.

He felt wronged like Stannis,

For love is like an Iron Throne,

But for all his efforts, he ended,

a Mester at being Friendzoned.

Wandering the wilderness like Jorah Mormont,

one fine day, he met his Khaleesi,

But when he tried chatting up like Tyrion,

He just choked up like Joffrey.

He turned into a whitewalker around her,

Frozen and blue-eyed,

Like Littlefinger, he'll be a one woman man,

in an instant he did decide.

But for all you know, it'll be a heartbreak like,

a favourite character bumped by George RR Martin,

The 'Winds of Winter' may not yet have passed,

But you can hope to see the 'Dreams of Spring'.

Aircraft..

Don't you just love the attention?
Making me wait for you,
after asking me to be early,
& now sending messages,
about what you are deciding to do.

For your stamp of approval,
there's always a queue it seems,
you check if the baggage I carried
all these years, is light enough,
You screen my dreams.

And then you play hard to get,
Telling me to wait for your call.
Am I the only one?
So many like me crowd for you.
You have got them all.

When you tell us,
that you are ready to let us in,
they all scramble to be the first,
while everyone knows,
that only one of us could win.

I stand back,
knowing you'll still get me high,
store away my burdens for a bit,
and take me where I want,
without ever asking me why.

You are the aircraft,
that lets me leave the world behind.
We could crash & burn together,
or get down & let go, till a new
destination we find.

Let it be...

Let's run farther,
than anyone can ever see,
where you are just you,
and I am just me.

We believe in something,
they can never let be,

So let's unlearn all they taught us,

let's be free.

We stumble and fall,
bruise our bodies,

They laugh at us,

We smile silently.

We travel together,
just for the journey,

everyone seeks a destination,

but why should we?

The Script..

Know those right moments
and the perfect things to say,
If we ever ran out of words,
we'd know what followed anyway.

Have someone tell us,
what we were doing wrong,
and rehearse till we get it right,
even if it took everlong.

Compress all the time we had,
by editing out the inane,
to those emotions & instances,
whose memory wouldn't wane.

Find closure for the stories,
that linger without an end,
till the finality is you and me,
smiling at the world.

So let's step inside those screens
where all this could be reality,
Imagine if these lives,
were just the script of a movie.

Quicksand..

In the wilderness of this world,
we run together,
hand in hand,
chased by creatures of our past.

On this trail of emotions,
We tread with trepidation,

hoping each moment,

for time to camouflage our tracks.

Lost in the frenzy of getting lost,
We walk unknowingly through,
that foliage of friendship,
into the quicksand of love.

We thrash,flail and squirm,
to find a way out,
but all that our struggles do,
is just make us sink into it more.

Perhaps only drowning completely,
will let us know the depth of it,
or we could just stop trying,
and get out by just letting it go.

My Beatles' Song..

Solo aboard my Yellow Submarine.

I drifted Across the Universe,

Telling myself I Feel Fine,

But life was just Helter Skelter.

In My Life she walks in,

Here Comes the Sun for me,

The gloominess fading to Yesterday,

This moment,just Let It Be.

My Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,

Please Love me Do,

Because I Wanna Be Your Man,

And Love is All You Need too.

I know We Can Work it Out,

So let's Come Together,

Leave behind this Long & Winding Road called life,

Into the Strawberry Fields Forever.

Gravitation..

Held together,

Separated apart,

An insurmountable distance,

Between hearts.

You the earth,

I the moon,

My loneliness & imperfections,

Long for your wholesomeness.

An existence revolving around,

noticed only by my absence,

while you happily,

bask in the warmth of someone else.

I close my eyes,

Imagine the universe collapse,

Forces restraining us fading,

When everything becomes nothing,

and nothing is everything,

The day when we merge together,

Becoming nothingness,

We become one.

Where the mind can ramble without fear..

Where the mind can ramble without fear,

Of frivolous PILs no one is scared

Where liquor flows like Niagara Falls,

And free grass is provided to all,

Where love can be claimed through early bird offer,

Public servants only with goodwill fill their coffers,

Where by meter all autos are run,

And Pappu is not the next youth icon.

Where Superheroes don't remind kids of Hrithik,

And quotas are as necessary as Veena Malik,

TV shows are not about evil mother-in-laws and innocent brides,

And still figuring life at 25 can be a matter of pride,

Where careers are means and not ends,

The real ones outnumber the Facebook friends,

Where the largest outlet in a mall is a book-store,

And no human is petrified by the thought of Dhoom 4.

Dear God, not for mine but for the future generations' sake,

Into that heaven of awesomeness, my Father, let my country awake.

- Once-upon-a-time-wannabe-Stand-Up-Comic's shitty tribute to Tagore's immortal work