Sand Holes..

This world,
A sea of people,
And you rush out,
Like a wave,
Crashing in to me,
Trying to shatter my doubts.

Like the shore,
Aloof & away I stay,
From this sea,

Until I am drenched 

To my bones,

with your warmth,

And some bits of me like sand,
Try grasping on to you,
Craving to make you my own.

But you slip away,
taking bits of me,
with you, & yet every time,
Before I miss you,
you come back again,
from the world,
Reminding me of the familiar,
Yet bringing something new.

And in that moment
every conscious thought,
like writings in the sand,
is eroded from the surface,
of my being, as you permeate,
every void in my soul,
like water into sand holes.

The Ring..

I am an old man and it is perhaps our nature to tell tales. Some that draw on our memories and a few that you, young folks might call a lovechild, of our expectations and years of bottled bitterness. But to us, all of them are as true as the sun rising in the east.

You might find the one that I am about to tell you, a bit of both. So sit back & relax. Listen to my story & be the judge and jury on this one.


I have been married for a while. 43 years to be precise. She was my first love and I was her first too. We were full of love & had little of anything else. She told me, we'll save the regrets for when we are old. Didn't take us too long to decide to take the plunge. After all, when you are young, you think with your heart.

She just had a tiny condition. She wanted a ring that reminded her of how much I loved her; forever. It didn't have to be the most beautiful, the biggest or the priciest, it just had to be unique. Every lover is a knight seeking a quest and I took this one to be mine.

I knew I wouldn't find it in the the regular stores, so I never went there. If I had, this story may probably have turned out a bit differently. I scoured small pawnshops, auctions and antique stores for months with a feverish spirit but only met with failure. I gave myself another week and decided I would buy what I could find with my light pockets & heavy heart.

I was visiting a couple of my friends in another town during the said week. I was out alone on a casual stroll. Lost in my thoughts, I had lost my way as well. Just as I realized, that I need to figure out how to get back, was when I saw it on the window front of a small store.

It was exquisite. Rose gold coloured with intricate carving on the band and a stone on the crown, so finely cut that the reflected light just seem to dazzle out of it. I knew it was the one.

I entered the store & it seemed as if I had travelled back in time. Red felt lined the walls and a large chandelier hung from the ceiling. Even though it was daytime, hardly any light or sound from outside trickled in.

Most surprisingly, there was no proprietor. I called out a couple of times but there seemed to be nobody around. I approached the window where I had seen the ring. I wanted to pick it up & get going. As I was leaning across the counter for a closer look, I heard a door far back in the shop open. By the time I turned around, there was an old man with grizzled hair, heavily leaning on a cane at the far end of the counter.

'Nothing for sale. Leave.'

But I wasn't willing to give up so easily. I explained my predicament to him, offered him all I could in terms of money and told him that I would not leave unless he sold me the ring.

'Fool. Fine, take it. But remember, whoever gets the ring will love you forever.'

I smiled and told him, I'd be a lucky man if that were so.

He gave a derisive laugh, 'Only fools believe in luck & love'. I paid him, picked the ring and got out. When I looked at it, I knew I came out better in the bargain. What a fool I really was!

Well, she was ecstatic when she saw the ring. We got married within a month. Our initial years seem like another world now. We travelled, we laughed, we loved & we lived.

But we did have our share of ups & downs. A few years ago, there was a time everyone was sure she had left me for good. But she came back. I was broken when she left & shocked when she came back.

She's changed a lot since then but I should have expected it. She doesn't smile much anymore. Doesn't talk much either. Her touch is colder. She likes to keep to herself.  But when you have been together this long, you know each other too well to have the need to talk, and well the world we are living in, isn't much to talk about right? At least, that's what I tell myself and I prefer it this way.

It's only at night when she crawls in to the bed next to me that I long to be alone. I tried changing rooms, homes, cities but she finds her way. It's been 5 years since I slept at night. But I expect anybody will have difficulty sleeping next to someone you love who's been dead all this while.

What time is it? 9 PM already? Time flies when you are having fun, eh? I hear her in the other room. Every night I am reminded of those words that the years had made me forget, 'Whoever gets the ring will love you forever'. Well, I know that for a fact now.

I loved her to death but she continues to do so from beyond. But I guess that's what true love is...

Claustrophobia

Look at those dreams full of panic,
Facing the hordes of expectations,
Cramped and Surrounded,
Shivering as claustrophobia kicks in.

They seek an escape,
Trying to flee the searing pain,
But for every one that makes it through,
Billions break down into something mundane.

Like the forgotten people,
This world didn't bother to know,
The dreams step back,
Far away in paranoia's shadows.

Through curtains of gloom, they peek,
into the world they wouldn't be seen,
With a smile of disappointment,
Wondering all they could been.

Gean..

Remember how it began,
Your smile tells me,
You probably knew it from the start.
You held my hand,
Now you have a hold,
Over my heart.

Moments with you just add up,
And life becomes more,
than the sum of its parts.
Like a couple of jigsaw pieces
that fit together,
We aren't made to be apart

Life meanders slowly,
taking the course,
that love will chart.
So hop aboard,
Let's be each other's muse,
Because love is a piece of art.

The Painter..

"Would you paint me?"

He looked at her and calmly answered, "No".

"But you promised. It's been 6 years."

He looked at her knowing that this argument had been happening more & more frequently of late, "But we have been over this so many times. I have told you. I just can't do it."

She knocked down one of his easels, "But I want you to! What use is your talent if you can't do a such a small thing for me!"

He pleaded, "You don't understand. I can't do it to you. I love you."

"So you can paint all these other people. Show-off your talent to the whole world but you can't do this one thing for the woman you tell that you love above all?"

"That's precisely the reason I can't do this."

She tried tactfully, "But why? You keep telling me that I am the most beautiful woman you have known. Can't you do this for me? For us? You haven't painted anyone in all these years! Think of what it can do for you!"

He looked at the paintings on the walls around him. His life's work and felt the burden of guilt. Every gift comes with a price.

He told her with a tone of finality," I wouldn't".

We all wear masks and this was perhaps the cue she needed for her to drop hers.

"What do you think? Why did I marry you? Look at you! Old, disintegrating, half-senile. I wanted to be one of your masterpieces. That's all I wanted from you. To be immortalized. To be seen and appreciated by the world. To be be admired for posterity"

He looked at her anguished. More anguished because he had been denying these truths to himself all years.

He tried to deny the reality feebly,"But you told me that you love me."

"So did I to many others. Words come cheap."

He tried finding some solace,"But you have been faithful to me?"

She laughed cruelly," What do you think?"

Her words shattered his weakly held faith like a rock crashing through glass. He collapsed on a chair & started weeping.

She looked at him coldly,"I'll be leaving in the morning. It would be best if you don't create a scene by trying to stop me"

He wished he never saw the morning. He sat awake through the night. Regretting the illusions of the beautiful life he had built & pondering if there was any reason to continue. At the first crack of dawn, he heard sounds from the bedroom and stood up resolutely.

He walked in to the bedroom. Their room. He thought he should have felt the pangs of happier memories, that his steps would falter. They didn't.

"I will paint you. This would be my last gift to you"

She turned surprised,"Will you? I am still going to leave though."

"It would be my most revered work. I owe it you."

She couldn't help but smile. " Oh why did you have to deny me all this while!"

"I just wanted to see how much you wanted it"

"Alright. Let me get ready. Should I come down to the studio?"

"There's no need. My brush & your beauty is all we need."

She held his hand & walked with him to the studio. He smiled inwardly. It had been a while since she had shown him such care.

He seated her on a stool and picked up his palette. She was smiling. He started mixing his colors & using them on the canvas.

"Something is happening. I am not feeling right"

"Relax Lisa, you are just feeling nervous". As he continued painting, he smile grew. 

"Leo, I don't know what's going on. I am feeling lighter, like I am fading". On the canvas, her portrait began looking more & more life-like.

"And how do you think my paintings have always looked so real?".

She screamed. But they slowly receded until they were trapped in the canvas. 

He laughed maniacally as he applied the final strokes. "Keep smiling. After all, you wanted to be a masterpiece Mona Lisa".

Home..

Let's build a home
Together You & I,
A room each for,
Hopes & Dreams,
And paint it with all the Love.

Let's step out,
in the bustling bazaars of Life,
Spend some Time,
And bring back a few memories,
To decorate these walls with.

Let's make the fixtures,
Out of Happiness,
And then light them up,
One-by-one,
With that smile of yours

Where Tears,
are just occasional visitors,
And Joy our friendly neighbour,
Whom we visit every other day,
For a cup of Laughter.

But Building some beautiful,
is always hard work,
You smile because you know,
And say,'hold my hand,
And don't quit,
Because I'd never let go'

Virus

In my head,
Multiplying endlessly,
Infecting everything,
Thoughts, emotions, memories.

People saw the change,
Yet I ignored the warning signs,
And now she is the only thing,
that occupies this mind of mine.

As I lose myself,
Everyday a bit more,
I know that she's the illness,
I know she is the cure.

It was only her,
That I wanted the most,
The thought of us infests me,
Like a virus taking over the host.